Yet Another Emin3m Parody Stan
by Chuuboku
Summary: Yes, it's a Emin3m Parody. Please don't be harsh on this, R&R! ONESHOT!


Stan

_**Chorus:**_

_**My blood's gone cold, I'm wondering how I got out of jail**_

_**at all**_

_**the zombie cop scratched up my window and I can't see through at all**_

_**And even if I could they'd all be dead, but your shotgun**_

_**on my wall**_

_**it reminds me that it's very bad, it's very bad**_

**Chorus X2**

Verse 1:

Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'

I left my cell, my pistol, and my home phone at the

bottom

I sent two magnums back in autumn

You must not have got 'em

It probably was a problem at the post office or

somethin'

Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot

'em

But anyways, fuck it, what's been up man, is Ashley a bother?

My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm out to be a father

If I have a daughter, guess what I'm-a call her? I'm-a

name her Sherry.

I read about your friend Luis too, I'm sorry

I had a friend kill himself because of some virus that infected him.

I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your

biggest fan.

I even got the las plagas shit that you did with

Scam.

I got a room full of your posters and your pictures,

man.

I like the shit you did with Cerberus too, that shit was

fat.

Anyways, I hope you get this man, shoot me back, just to

chat

Truly yours, your biggest fan, this is Stan.

**Chorus**

Verse 2:

Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you

have the chance.

I ain't mad, I just think it's _fucked up_ you don't

answer fans.

If you didn't want to talk to me outside your mission

You didn't have to

but you could have signed an autograph for Keanu.

That's my youngest uncle, man. He's only 39 years old.

We waited in the blistering heat for you for 4 hours

and ya just said no.

That's pretty shitty man, you're like his fuckin' idol

He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more

than I do.

I ain't that mad, but I just don't like bein' lied to.

Remember when we met in Raccoon, you said if I write

You would write back.

See, I'm just like you in a way.

I never knew my father neither.

He experiments on my mom, cheats, and beat her.

I can relate to what you're sayin' in your songs.

So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em

on.

Cause I don't really got shit else, so that shit helps

when I'm depressed.

I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest.

Sometimes I even shoot myself to see how much it bleeds.

It's like a wangpaling. The pain is such a sudden rush

for me.

See, everything you say is real, and I respect you

'cause you tell it.

My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7.

But she don't know you like I know you, Slim, no one

does.

She don't know what it was like for people like us

growing up.

You've gotta call me man. I'll be the biggest fan

you'll ever lose.

Sincerely yours, Stan. PS: We should be together too.

**Chorus**

Verse 3:

Dear Mr. I'm-too-good-to-call-or-write-my-fans

This'll be the last package I ever send your ass.

It's been six months and still no word. I don't

deserve it?

I know you got my last two letters, I wrote the

addresses on 'em perfect.

So this is my cassette I'm sending you. I hope you

hear it.

I'm in the car right now. I'm doing 90 on the freeway.

Hey Slim, "I sniffed a fifth of red herb, ya dare me to

drive?"

You know that song by Chris Redfield from "The Dead is Alive"

About that guy who could have saved that other guy

from dying?

But didn't? Then Chris saw it all then in Racoon he

found him?

That's kinda how this is. You could have rescued me

from dying.

Now it's too late. I'm on a thousand red herbs now, I'm

drowsy.

And all I wanted was a lousy pistol or a call.

I hope you know I ripped all o' your pictures off the

wall.

I love you Slim, we could have been together. Think

about it.

You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you

dream about it.

And when you dream, I hope you can't sleep and you

scream about it.

I hope that Hewie eats you up and you can't

breathe without me.

See Slim, (screaming) shut up bitch, I'm trying to

talk

Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screaming in the trunk.

But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see

I ain't like you.

'Cause if she suffocates, she'll suffer more, and then

she'll die too.

Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now.

Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit

out?

(screeching tires, crashing sounds, car splashes into

the water, las plagas evaporating sounds)

**Chorus**

Verse 4:

Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner, but I've just

been busy.

You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along

is she?

Look, I'm really flattered you would call your

daughter that.

And here's an autograph for your brother: I wrote it

on your Starter cap.

I'm sorry I didn't see you at my mission I must have

missed you.

Don't think I did that shit intentionally, just to

diss you.

And what's this shit you said about you shootin' your chest too?

I say that shit just clownin' dawg, c'mon, how fucked

up is you?

You got some issues, Stan, I think you need some

counselin'

To help your ass from bouncin' off the walls when you

get down some.

And what's this shit about us meant to be together?

That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each

other.

I really think you and your girlfriend need each

other.

Or maybe you just need to treat her better.

I hope you get to read this letter.

I just hope it reaches you in time.

Before you hurt yourself, I think that you'd be doin'

just fine

If you'd relax a little. I'm glad that I inspire you,

but Stan

Why are you so mad? Try to understand that I do want

you as a fan.

I just don't want you to do some crazy shit.

I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago

that made me sick.

Some dude was high and drove his car over a bridge

And had his girlfriend in the trunk and she was

pregnant with his kid

And in the car they found a tape but it didn't say who

it was to

Come to think about it, his name was...it was you.

Son of a--!

(Lightning flashes, Stan stands outside the window)


End file.
